you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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