Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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