remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So vagazzling was a success
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
