How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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