Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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