all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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