3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
