i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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