I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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