So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
