she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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