i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
