You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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