i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
