U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
