Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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