My girlfriend figured out who you are.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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