dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
