just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
