That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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