just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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