You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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