You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
