Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
