dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
