batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drake has all the answers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
