Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
