I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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