you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
