my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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