She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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