Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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