does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
