There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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