Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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