There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
