At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
