She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
