So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
