Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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