Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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