You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
