There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
