i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
