Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
