i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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