drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
