god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
