is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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