I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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