I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
