There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
