I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize