Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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