I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize