My hand turned me down
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
