I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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