Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
