just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
