never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
