What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
