just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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