apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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