i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
