TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
