I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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