dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
